2009年8月12日

該哭該笑?

今早,Terry(實驗室學弟)拿著我兩年前的paper問道:「學長,還記不記得你當初實驗的手法阿?」。當下一陣錯愕,我幾乎都忘光了,摸索了大約10 ~ 15分鐘後便打發Terry去問Congo(另外一位熱心的實驗室同伴)有關Tcpdump與Tcptrace的使用方式,自己則忙著先處理今天該完成的事情。

直到晚上處理完畢手邊的事務後,便(心生愧疚地)幫Terry處理起實驗相關的code。沒處理還好,一處理起來後,便一頭熱的栽了下去。事後發現當初自己寫一週的code,結果大約兩個多小時就處理好了。真不知道該笑這兩年沒白活,還是該哭說兩年前我怎麼這麼呆。

2009年8月6日

I've never been to me

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
嘿,這位太太,你這對自己的生命充滿怨恨的太太
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
你是個不滿現實的母親,是個失去自由的妻子
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
我深信你夢想著那些你永遠無法作的事
But I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to you
但我真希望有人曾經對我說過現在我想告訴你的事

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
啊,我曾到過喬治亞、到過加州,還有任何我可以去到的地方
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
我牽過一個神職男人的手,一起在陽光下纏綿
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
但如今我已無處可去、也沒有朋友,只因為當初我非得自由
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me
我曾經到過天堂,但我從未找到過自我

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
求求你,這位太太,求求你,別這樣就走開
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
因為我希望能告訴你,為什麼今天我會如此孤獨
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
我可以在你的眼中看到太多過去的我
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lies....
可否請你分享一些我這曾經活在千萬謊言中的疲倦心情

Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
啊,我曾到過尼斯和希臘的島嶼,坐在遊艇上啜飲著香檳
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
我曾像珍哈露一樣遨遊於蒙地卡羅,秀著我的本錢
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
我曾被王侯寬衣解帶,看過好些普通女人看不到的事情
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me
我曾經到過天堂,但我從未找到過自我

[Spoken]
(口白)
Hey, you know what paradise is? It's a lie
嘿,你知道天堂是什麼?那是個謊言
A fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
一種我們創造出來,所有人和所有地方都盡如我們期望的幻想
But you know what truth is?
但你知道真實是什麼嗎?
It's that little baby you're holding
那就是那個你懷抱中的小寶寶
It's that man you fought with this morning
那就是那個今天早上你跟他吵架
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
而今晚又將與他纏綿的同一個男人
That's truth, that's love
那就是真實,那就是愛

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
有時候我曾經為了那我從未生過、或許可以讓我成為完整女人的孩子而哭泣
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
但我選擇了甜蜜的生活,我從不知道有一天我會由甜轉為苦
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
我曾浪費我的生命,探索著那種讓我付出太高代價的、人盡可夫的自由生活
Hey lady, I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me
我曾經到過天堂,但我從未找到過自我

我也未曾找到過自我,但是至少你去過天堂了。